Out of the three possible answers that we get from our prayers, “Wait” might be the hardest answer to take. Of course, getting a “No” would also be heartbreaking, but it already gives us a clear idea that what we are asking for is not within God’s will. With “Wait” comes the uncertainty and struggle. We get tempted to ask, “When, God?” or “Until when am I going to wait?” We don’t often see that God’s timing is always perfect and He is trying to ask us to trust Him.
Last 2012, I applied for a scholarship for a Master’s Degree program that would equip me in pursuing my heart for peace and justice in our country and my dream of becoming a peace psychologist. Months after, I was informed that I will be evaluated through an interview. I was confident that I would get the scholarship after the interview. Weeks after the interview, I received the result of my application and got this:
Whoa! That was not what I expected. It would have been even better if I was simply rejected. This answer made me confused and took away my confidence, which led me to realize one thing: that I have been relying on myself and not on God! This made me question if I was doing what God willed me for. I put so much hope in believing that everything that happened in my life had really led me towards this path. Looking for more answers to even more questions, I desperately turned unto the One who I have forgotten.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives you generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (James 1:5)
As I sought for His revelation and grace, I realized that God will not put a dream in my heart if He will not give everything I need to fulfill it. He made me put Him first in my life and trust His promises. He wanted to declare how amazing He really is and how He, alone, can do the impossible, to assure me that He hears my cries, and to show how much He loves me. As I waited on the Lord, He gave me a new heart and a refreshed soul just like what He said in Isaiah 40:31.
Weeks after, the school decided to offer me a 50% scholarship grant, which meant that I still needed to pay half a million pesos to get into the program. Knowing that God will provide, I still waited, waited and waited, and eventually deferred, claiming that God has bigger plans for me. Accepting that this might not be the time for me to study again, I started applying for a job. I applied for 15 jobs; and on the 15th job application, I finally got called up for an interview. In that interview, I just needed to show to get the job. “Wow, Lord!” I will be working for our government’s peace office; this affirmed my prayers!
In the next school year, I reapplied for the scholarship with new confidence God has given me. During the interview, I was asked why I wanted to reapply. I told them, “I believe that this is what God has called me to do and that this scholarship will prepare me for the work that I will do for Him.” Weeks after the interview, I received the result of my application. I got in! What’s even amazing is that the program has changed into a dual master’s program; this meant that I would graduate with 2 master’s degrees in 1½ years without paying a cent! I could just imagine, I would have been paying half a million had I didn’t wait; but with this scholarship, they even paid me to study! I felt truly blessed beyond measure by such an amazing God!!!
These (trials) have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. (1 Peter 1: 7)
This year, as I start a new chapter in life after graduating from the program, I lean on God to lead me where my faith could grow deeper without borders. As He works to direct my path, I carry with me a still, patient and trusting heart; knowing that His timing is always perfect.
It’s truly hard to wait, and the enemy will surely do everything to stray our paths away from God while waiting. Just surrender your fears and uncertainties to Him and remember that He is powerful and He already has overcome the enemy! Rely on Him and He will renew your strength. He alone can get you through what your human effort cannot! Wait with expectation and listen to what He is revealing you.