Hi everyone. I am Sis. Jo from the Ladies Ministry. I am 56 years old and this is how my life was changed by God.
In almost a decade of following the Lord, I cannot deny that at one point, the devil tried to take my happiness away. In fact, I suffered from depression. Yet, every time I think of my flaws, God will remind me of His love and that got me to be involved in a ministry. I was very passionate then. I could remember when my one and only prayer was the good condition of our business.
The fourth time that depression hit me was on August 2017, our business was in a bad shape. I prayed to God that time. I asked Him if He could bless our business and still allow me to continue to minister at the same time but God did not answer. I did not hear anything from Him.
And so, I started to distant myself from others. I would ditch my churchmates everytime I attend Sunday service. I stopped praying. It even come to a point that I visited a psychiatrist but ended up not following the doctor’s advice.
All sleepless nights seemed endless to me. I was once reminded on how the Lord helped me to overcome my previous anxieties. He has been very faithful. There was acceptance, repentance and sense of belongingness in His arms, so I uttered a prayer. However, when I pray, I cannot feel His presence. I kept praying, but I felt like God was very far from me. It must be because I always commit sin, I thought.
As the days passed by, I noticed that my body grew tired despite not doing anything. Depression almost paralyzed me. I could not take care of my children, I was always on my bed. I felt my hands were in chains and my heart was so heavy.
I decided to go to my fellow sisters in Christ. I do not know what to say but these words came out from my mouth, “Can you pray for me? I cannot pray to God. I think I have committed many sins that He cannot forgive me.” My husband replied to me, “Bakit mo ba inaasa sa iba ang panalangin? (Why do you rely on other people to pray for you?) Pray on your own. God is always listening.” I thought otherwise because all I know was that my prayers were rejected.
After a year, my body was getting heavier. I could sense that my eldest son was already struggling because of me. He looked at me and said, “Mama, hindi ba sabi ng Diyos, kapag lumapit tayo sa Kanya nang may pananampalataya at magsisi sa ating mga kasalanan ay tutugunin Niya ang naisin ng ating puso? (Mom, didn’t the Lord tell us that when we come to Him in faith and confess our sins, He will hear our heart’s prayers?)” He waited for my confirmation. I was instantly awakened by what my son has said to me. I wanted healing, I wanted to seek God in my prayers again.
A thought came to me to attend the ExCEL service and made sure that I have a companion. On the 21st of September, I attended the service. I was with my youngest son. After the service, I felt better. The unknown spirit inside me was gone and I felt lighter. Thank You, Lord! The next day, I woke up early and prepared breakfast for my family. It has been a year since I did this. My eldest son was bewildered. He even questioned if I was really his mother. Then, his younger brother told him that I was already healed. He was the one who went with me to the church. Little did I know that the purpose of letting my son come with me was to have a witness on how He performed a miracle!.
Depression is said to be a serious mental health. Nonetheless, through Jesus Christ, I was able to conquer my depression. He made me strong when I think I am not good enough. I do not deserve His forgiveness, but the Lord’s grace is sufficient for me. His mercies are new every single day!
I know that everyone has their own battle, each of us have burdens. Take heart for there is a reason why God is allowing hindrances in our lives. Always bear in mind that the pain you feel right now will end, and nothing will compare to the joy that lies ahead.
All the praises are for You, Lord!