In my younger years, the idea I had of a Queen was someone who lives in a castle and served by hundreds of people. I did not know that to get in such a high position, she would have to take a step of courage so she could wear and keep her crown. I did not know that to be a Queen, humility is of huge value.
The moment I saw the call for volunteers for Go Beyond, I knew God was calling me then but I hesitated for quite some time. While I was writing my undergrad thesis, God was moving me to be part of the creative team. While I was doing my other projects for school, God was telling me that my skills and talents are for him and not for this world.
He then reminded me of the book of Esther, knowing how fond I am of stories about queens. Haman, a high-ranking official during the reign of King Xerxes, was known to be an enemy of the Jews. Hoping to stop his plot to destroy the Jewish people, Mordecai thought that there must be a reason why Esther became queen. “…Yet who knows—maybe it was for a time like this that you were made queen!” (Esther 4:14) We know that Esther obeyed her purpose, and in the end, won favor for God’s people. But before that success, she prayed and sought for God’s wisdom.
In the two Sunday services before the scheduled date of application for volunteers, all I ever did was ask for God’s wisdom though I was considering a lot of things—“What if I won’t be able to commit?” “What if I can’t balance my studies?” “What if other opportunities come?” “What if this isn’t the right decision?” – the typical ‘what ifs’ of an overthinker. But God said, “Just go.”
So carrying nothing but a heart to serve, I took a step of courage and followed the voice. After all, for what reason do I have these skills if I cannot serve God with them? Just as how Esther conquered the plot against Jewish people, God has helped me conquer my ‘too busy’ alibi and my ‘too shy’ mindset.
Likewise, there could be many ‘Haman’ in our lives which will prevent us from moving closer to God and fulfilling His mission. It could be our own problems, insecurities, fears, or even the people around us. But God said that we are more than conquerors! “In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us…” (Romans 8:37) So if we humble ourselves before the Lord, He will surely use that ‘Haman’ for His glory and purpose.